What Is Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy?
- trueselfspace
- 5 days ago
- 6 min read
Have you ever felt like there’s different parts of you that come online during different situations….
One part wants to say no and protect your boundaries, but another part whispers “what if they get upset with you?”
Maybe there's a part of you that wants to heal… but another that feels scared to even begin.
If this sounds familiar, you're experiencing something deeply human: the presence of different "parts" inside you, each carrying their own voice, story, and purpose.
And while it might feel confusing or overwhelming, these parts aren’t here to ruin your life. They're trying to protect you - sometimes in messy, misunderstood ways.
This is the core concept of Internal Family Systems. Instead of seeing these inner conflicts as problems, IFS invites us to slow down, listen to each part with compassion, and gently reconnect to the steady, wise Self within.
What Is IFS Therapy, Exactly?
Imagine your inner world like a family or community, each part of you has a role and contributes something different, with its own story to tell.
There's the perfectionist who wants everything just right.The anxious part that’s always preparing for the worst.The part that feels ashamed and hides.The one that’s angry and lashes out when it all feels too much.And maybe… the one who’s quietly hoping for healing.
IFS is a gentle, evidence-based therapeutic approach that helps you understand these different “parts” of yourself — not as problems to fix, but as protectors doing their best to keep you safe.
Rather than focusing only on changing behaviours or thoughts, IFS invites you to turn inward with compassion, get to know these inner parts, and begin building trust with them.
The 3 Main Types of Parts in IFS Therapy
Each part has its own role, perspective, and purpose. These parts aren't random—they developed in response to life experiences, often as survival strategies to help you cope, function, or protect yourself.
There are three categories of parts that often show up in the inner system:
1. Managers
Managers are proactive and try to keep you safe by preventing pain before it happens. They work hard to control your emotions, actions, and relationships to maintain a sense of stability and order.
They often show up as perfectionism, people-pleasing, overthinking, or a constant drive to achieve and stay “on top of things.” These parts may push you to work harder, avoid conflict, or be overly responsible, all in the name of staying safe or accepted.
You might hear them saying things like:
“Don’t mess up.”
“Keep it together.”
“You should’ve done more.”
While their efforts may be exhausting or overly critical, they truly believe that their response is protecting you from harm.
2. Firefighters
Firefighters are reactive and come online the moment emotional pain threatens to surface. Their job is to extinguish the distress as quickly as possible, sometimes this is through impulsive or numbing behaviours.
Some ways this can look like includes heightened emotional reactivity, bingeing, excessive scrolling, withdrawing from others, or using substances to cope. While these behaviours might seem extreme, they're driven by an urgent need to avoid the discomfort that Exiles carry.
You might hear them say:
“Quick, distract yourself.”
“Just shut it down.”
“We can’t feel this right now.”
They’re behaviour is from a reactive almost instinctual place because they’re terrified of you being overwhelmed or retraumatised. Their intentions are protective, even if the strategies are may seem maladaptive.
3. Exiles
Exiles are the parts of you that carry emotional wounds from the past, often experiences of shame, fear, rejection, abandonment, or trauma. Because their pain can feel intense or threatening, Managers and Firefighters often work hard to keep these parts hidden and out of conscious awareness.
However, Exiles don’t disappear. Even if we push them away or try to avoid their pain, they linger beneath the surface, often influencing your thoughts and feelings in subtle but powerful ways. They may feel young, tender, or frozen in a moments or experiences that happened in childhood.
Exiles might carry beliefs like:
“I’m not good enough.”
“I’m unlovable.”
“It’s my fault.”
Many of us burry these parts, but they don’t want to stay hidden, when we begin to hold compassionate and curious space for them, we begin to acknowledge that many of them want to be heard, seen and held; they often want to receive the love and care they never did.
Understanding all the parts that make up our inner system is the first step in building a compassionate relationship with yourself. None of them are broken or bad. In fact, they’re all trying to help in the only way they know how.
Through IFS therapy sessions, we learn how to gently acknowledge and listen to each part, help them trust the presence of your core Self, and begin the journey toward healing and internal harmony.
What Is the “Self” in IFS Therapy?
In IFS the concept of the Self is central to healing.
The Self is not just another “part” of you. It’s your core essence — the inherent part of you that’s calm, grounded, and whole. It’s the version of you that is always capable of holding space for your inner world with deep compassion.
Even when you feel overwhelmed, anxious, shut down, or scattered, your Self is still there beneath the surface, patiently waiting for the chance to lead.
Qualities of the Self in IFS
IFS therapist and founder Dr. Richard Schwartz describes the Self as naturally embodying qualities like:
Calm
Curiosity
Compassion
Confidence
Courage
Clarity
Creativity
Connectedness
When you’re in “Self,” you’re not trying to fix or push away your parts—you’re able to listen to them with understanding, patience, and kindness. You lead from a place of inner steadiness, rather than reactivity.
Why the Self Matters in Healing
IFS therapy goes deep, it supports you to reconnect with your Self and create a healing relationship with the parts of you that carry pain, fear, or protective strategies.
When your protective parts begin to trust your Self, they can relax.
When your wounded parts feel seen by your Self, they can begin to heal.
And when your internal system feels the presence of your Self, it naturally starts to move toward balance and harmony.
This is how IFS facilitates healing, not by forcing change, but by helping you heal from the inside out, with your Self leading the way.
In IFS sessions, your therapist gently helps you notice the different parts of you that show up whether they’re anxious, angry, critical, or overwhelmed. As these parts are acknowledged and understood, space begins to open for your Self to emerge.
From there, the real work of healing and connection begins.
What Can IFS Therapy Help With?
Here are some common issues IFS can support:
1. Anxiety & Overthinking
IFS helps you connect with the protective parts that worry or over-plan—so you can meet anxiety with curiosity, not fear.
2. Harsh Inner Critic & Low Self-Worth
Rather than silencing your inner critic, IFS helps you understand it—and uncover the wounded parts it’s trying to protect.
3. Trauma & Emotional Wounds
IFS gently guides you toward healing past pain without re-traumatisation, by connecting with the parts carrying grief, shame, or fear.
4. Burnout & People-Pleasing
If you’re always saying “yes” and running on empty, IFS helps you discover your needs, set boundaries, and find balance between giving and receiving.
5. Disconnection from Self
Feeling numb or lost? IFS helps you rediscover your voice, values, and inner clarity by bringing all parts of you into relationship.
What Happens in an IFS Therapy Session?
IFS sessions start by noticing a part of you that’s present — like anxiety, anger, sadness, or even numbness.
From there, your therapist gently guides you to:
Get curious about that part
Understand what it’s trying to protect you from
Offer it compassion and connection
Begin healing the pain it carries
Each session is a step toward building trust with your inner world and helping your true Self lead with confidence and clarity.
IFS is about listening, not forcing.
In IFS therapy, we do not “get rid of” any parts of you. Instead, the goal is to listen to and embrace every part, even those you might struggle with. Each part of you has a valid reason for existing and is trying to protect you in its own way.
IFS supports a shift from self-judgment to self-leadership. As you listen to and understand your parts, they soften, and you create space for deeper healing and connection.
If this resonates with you and you’re curious to explore Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, we’re here to support you.
At True Self Space, we specialise in helping you reconnect with your authentic self, heal emotional wounds, and rewrite outdated narratives.
✨ Follow us on Instagram at @TrueSelfSpace for daily insights, inspiration, and tips on inner healing.
🌐 Visit our website at TrueSelfSpace.com.au to learn more about IFS therapy and our approach.
Ready to take the next step? Book a session today!
Let’s connect—you’ve got this! 💛
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